


Enough

by klove0511



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Castiel (Supernatural), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Implied Mpreg, Implied Sexual Content, Infertility, M/M, Married Couple, Omega Sam, SPN A/B/O Bingo, Sam Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 08:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22967158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klove0511/pseuds/klove0511
Summary: Sam stared at the negative pregnancy test and tried to curb his disappointment. He’d thought that this time—No. He hadn’t. He’d hoped, maybe, but he hadn’t expected a positive test in years. It didn’t make it any easier. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and ignored the burning behind his eyes as he rinsed out his mouth. It only helped dissipate the sour taste a little. He thought about brushing his teeth but decided it probably wasn't worth the effort when he knew he was going to be puking again in an hour.
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 76





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> For the SPN ABO Bingo square Pups. I love my idea for this square, not 100% sure how I feel about the fic itself. I'm pretty sure that to do the idea justice I would have needed another year and about 20,000 words. But this is what I came up with. Maybe someday I will expand it into a longer fic. Unbeta'd because the universe conspired against me getting this done in time to send to a beta and also post in time for the bingo.

Sam stared at the negative pregnancy test and tried to curb his disappointment. He’d thought that this time—No. He hadn’t. He’d hoped, maybe, but he hadn’t expected a positive test in years. It didn’t make it any easier. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and ignored the burning behind his eyes as he rinsed out his mouth. It only helped dissipate the sour taste a little. He thought about brushing his teeth but decided it probably wasn't worth the effort when he knew he was going to be puking again in an hour.

“Sam? Are you ok?” Cas’s voice carried through the door.

If Cas was checking on him then he must have been in the bathroom longer than he thought. He threw out the test and checked himself in the mirror. He looked like shit, but the stomach flu did that to a person. Splashing some cool water on his face helped, and so did running his hand through his hair. It made him feel more normal, less like the person fucking up his marriage one heat at a time.

Opening the bathroom door revealed a haggard Castiel. One look and they were on the same page. Sam hated it, but it was a familiar dance by now. He brushed past his mate, hoping he could lose himself in a book for a while until the sting of yet another negative test passed.

“Sam.”

“No.” Sam didn’t turn around to face Cas, but he stopped walking toward the stairs. “We both knew it was the stomach flu. There’s nothing to talk about.”

God, Castiel stank when he got upset. His scent turned bitter, acrid with anger and frustration. Sam suspected he did too, though he couldn’t smell it. No wonder their friends didn’t come over much anymore. The whole place had to smell like rot and death.

“You’re wrong; we _do_ need to talk.” Castiel had followed him to the living room. Sam just wanted to disappear inside himself for a few hours, maybe puke some more. He didn’t reply. Cas sighed. “Fine. Another time. This can’t go on forever, Sam.”

Sam squeezed his eyes shut as he listened to his mate leave the room. He was a broken, worthless omega that couldn’t even get pregnant, and Cas thought they needed to talk. The rational part of his brain said Cas was probably just worried, but the rational part wasn’t driving the bus right now. It had been drowned out by all the feelings of worthlessness and failure that bubbled to the surface every time another test came back negative.

Two days later, Sam was feeling mostly normal again. The vomiting and fatigue had subsided, and with it, his disappointment was starting to fade to its usual level. It was always hardest in the moments after a test, but day to day Sam felt like he compartmentalized his grief well. He kept busy with work or chores or reading, anything to avoid looking to closely at the pup-shaped emptiness in their family. At the moment, he was just starting to chop vegetables for dinner, and the quiet felt peaceful for once instead of oppressive.

Of course, Castiel chose that moment to confront him with the conversation they’d been avoiding. “Sam.” It was quiet but firm, and Sam knew he wouldn’t be able to evade this discussion anymore. 

“I’m sorry,” Sam said, equally quietly.

“Why?”

“You know why.”

“I promise I don’t. I know you, though, and I’m certain you are apologizing for something that is not your fault. So, please. Tell me.” Cas’s voice carried his frustration, and Sam’s nose flared as the air turned sour around them.

Sam couldn’t help his grim smile. “I can’t get pregnant.”

It was the first time either of them had said it out loud so bluntly.

Gently, as if afraid he would spook Sam into bolting, Cas took one of Sam’s enormous hands into his own. “We don’t know that.” Cas paused, and Sam struggled to keep his protests to himself. It was the only explanation. He was broken. “The doctors said—"

“That we just needed to keep trying, I know. But. Cas, we have. For six years.” Sam shrugged. “Maybe we just need to try a little longer.”

Cas shook his head furiously. “This is killing you, Sam. I can’t—I—It’s enough. We’ve done enough.”

Sam felt cold fear settle in his stomach and thought his stomach flu might be making a comeback. “What are you saying?”

Cas winced. Sam tried to relax his grip on Cas’s hand, to calm his scent, anything to take that expression off his mate’s face, but Cas held on tighter, refusing to let go. “There are options.”

“You want to stop trying.” He’d heard stories of this happening to other omegas who couldn’t ‘perform’ to expectations, known this issue was straining their marriage to the breaking point. Nothing could have prepared him, though, for Cas abandoning him.

Cas shook his head vehemently. “Not like you mean. Sam, I will never turn you away from our bed. I want—I want us to stop obsessing. To stop seeing every illness as a pregnancy symptom. If it happens, then wonderful. If it doesn’t, then there are other ways to grow our family. Adoption, for example.”

“Adoption.” Sam scoffed. Adoptions almost never worked out with alphas. Their instincts were usually just too strong to accept a strange pup into their pack.

“Think about it, please?”

Sam nodded stiffly, and Castiel squeezed his hand before finally releasing it and leaving Sam to his thoughts.

Dean flopped on the couch beside his brother, reaching for his beer before lifting his feet on to the coffee table. Sam tossed a glare at him, then turned back to the game on TV. They sat in companionable silence for a minute or two before Dean cleared his throat. Sam glanced over and silently groaned. Dean had his “serious conversation” face on, and Sam thought he might punch the next person who asked how he was.

“Cas said you’ve been sick.”

Sam sighed. He loved Cas so much, but now he was sending Dean to check on him? “It was the stomach flu.”

“Yeah, he said. He, uh—” Dean grumbled and sighed. “Look, you and Cas ever actually talk about having kids?”

“What the hell, Dean?” Sam glared at his brother.

Dean threw his hands out defensively. “I’m just asking, Sam. It’s not like you talk to me about this crap. Look, I saw a test in the trash when I went to the bathroom. Cas said you’ve been sick. I did the math. Cas know you don’t want pups?”

“You think I don’t want kids? Dude, we haven’t used birth control since the night we mated.”

Dean looked around, as if he might see a gaggle of kids he’d somehow missed running around. “What? You’ve been married six years! I always figured you two just didn’t want any. I mean—”

“I know.” Sam stared at his hands.

“Have you tried—”

“We’ve tried everything. I just…can’t. There were a couple times I thought—But then I went into heat, so—”

“Sam.”

“Don’t.” Sam shook his head and swallowed hard.

Dean worked his jaw for a moment or two before nodding. “How’s Cas?”

Sam shrugged. “Wants to try adopting.”

Dean grimaced. “You think that’ll work?”

“I don’t know, but he’s right. What we’re doing, what we’ve been doing, isn’t working.”

Dean paused, thoughtful, then smirked. “Well, if adopting would work for anyone, it would be you guys. Wouldn’t be the first time our family picked up some strays.”

Sam chuckled. “Dude, we _were_ the strays. Bobby took _us_ in.”

“Exactly.” Dean grinned.

Sam laughed and sipped his beer. Maybe. Maybe it could work, despite the statistics. In any case, finally talking to Dean about everything had made him feel better than he had in a long time.

Cas was reading in bed, and Sam thought he looked adorable. Even when he read for fun, Cas focused his entire being on what he was doing, studying the novel in front of him with an endearing intensity.

Sam leaned on the doorframe, smiling softly to himself. “Hey.”

Despite his intense focus on his book, it only took one word from Sam to get Cas’s attention. “Sam. Is everything all right?”

“Thanks for siccing Dean on me today.”

Cas’s forehead crinkled in confusion.

“We talked. And…I thought about what you said.”

This time, Cas closed the book and set it on the nightstand.

Sam stared at his feet for a minute, then lifted his eyes. “If you think we can make it work, then I’m on board. But—”

Cas nodded. “I know. The statistics regarding successful adoptions are discouraging. Alpha instincts are difficult to fight. But, Sam, I know us.”

Sam smiled. “Ok then.”

The delight that lit up Cas’s face was beautiful, and Sam couldn’t help pressing a kiss to his mate’s lips. Cas let out a small moan and tugged Sam onto the bed with him. Sam growled and allowed Cas to flip them.

Cas latched onto Sam’s shoulder, sucking and biting over his mating scar. Sam groaned and pushed at Castiel’s clothes, trying to get some skin contact. Cas detached himself long enough for Sam to remove his shirt, and he took the chance to strip Sam. It was good, and it was easy in a way it hadn’t been for far too long.

After, they lay together, panting and sated and melting into each other. Sam drifted in a state of lazy satisfaction, basking in his mate’s affection. Tomorrow, things would still be difficult. Sam would still feel broken. Their marriage might never get back to where it used to be. But now, maybe, things could finally start getting better.


End file.
